Divorced is a different world. I have found a lot of people who share that world. We seem to float around and then get pulled towards eachother. We get close enough to bump and float in the other direction. It is hard to identify with people who are not divorced now days. People checking in with their spouses, making plans for two...."I would love to go, but I have to check with..." It all seems so constricting. Sure, I know what most people would say: "One day you will find someone, and it won't seem like that." But I thought I found someone, and it was. "well, he wasn't the right one." Let me clarify. There is no Mr. or Mrs. RIGHT. There is only in Mr or Mrs In the Right Place at the Right Time. I don't believe in those fairy tales of destiny. I am not a big fan of romance. To me, romance is just smoke and mirrors. If you really want to make me happy, take out the trash, put the toilet seat down and don't sleep with other women. I however, dont know if I can return the favor of monogamy right now. I have about 4 crushes going at the moment. I could meet someone new and make it 5. Oh wait....it already is 5, I forgot about the young hot thing I saw today.
Here is what I do miss though. Matthew having a father. Being a single mom is pretty rough. I am constantly going. I am tired ALL the time. And I often think, EVEN if I wanted to meet a nice guy and settle down....could he handle this? This instant family? probably not. Do I want to worry about it? Nope. But I go to the soccer field and of course I am the only single mom. All the dads and moms are there together. And their kids are listening and doing what the coach says to do. Mine, kicks over cones.
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I also hate romance... it makes me uncomfortable, but I wish it didn't sometimes! I just feel like it's all some elaborate trick to throw me off guard and get away with something. Horrible, I know. Not my fault! hahaha ;)
ReplyDeleteI used to be angry about losing my belief in "fairytale" love, but now I feel like a more mature woman because of it. It's a juvenile belief and men are around to prove that to us :/
I hope you find some awesome single moms to hang out with... plus you guys can help each other out. I am slowly but surely starting to accept a support system because I f-ing need one! I think you do too... wish I could be part of it :(
I am sorry I am just seeing this! I thought I had this set up to automatically let me know when I get comments! I forgot I even wrote it I have been so busy. It still holds pretty true though. I do agree with the support system thing. I was just telling Miriam that if weren't for my girlfriends, life would of been a lot rougher. I actually have some great girlfriends. Long distance and short distance. By the way, YOU DEFINATELY have a long lost brother at fort meade.
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