Running on empty

Divorced is a different world. I have found a lot of people who share that world. We seem to float around and then get pulled towards eachother. We get close enough to bump and float in the other direction. It is hard to identify with people who are not divorced now days. People checking in with their spouses, making plans for two...."I would love to go, but I have to check with..." It all seems so constricting. Sure, I know what most people would say: "One day you will find someone, and it won't seem like that." But I thought I found someone, and it was. "well, he wasn't the right one." Let me clarify. There is no Mr. or Mrs. RIGHT. There is only in Mr or Mrs In the Right Place at the Right Time. I don't believe in those fairy tales of destiny. I am not a big fan of romance. To me, romance is just smoke and mirrors. If you really want to make me happy, take out the trash, put the toilet seat down and don't sleep with other women. I however, dont know if I can return the favor of monogamy right now. I have about 4 crushes going at the moment. I could meet someone new and make it 5. Oh wait....it already is 5, I forgot about the young hot thing I saw today.

Here is what I do miss though. Matthew having a father. Being a single mom is pretty rough. I am constantly going. I am tired ALL the time. And I often think, EVEN if I wanted to meet a nice guy and settle down....could he handle this? This instant family? probably not. Do I want to worry about it? Nope. But I go to the soccer field and of course I am the only single mom. All the dads and moms are there together. And their kids are listening and doing what the coach says to do. Mine, kicks over cones.