kick in the gut

I have been so happy recently. Very stressed, but happy. I have been tight on money, and working a lot. For some reason though that didn't phase me. Today, I had a set back. Me and Russell got into an argument over money. Now that I am going active duty, I asked that he please give up the w/ dependents rate for BAH. It only seems right. I have matthew and all custodial rights, he will have matthew for a short time while I am deployed, but I will have him back. Matthew will reside with me Majority of the time. Not that he won't see his father, but he will reside with me 90% of the time.

He doesnt want to give up the money. Its too much to give up. WHY? He is a single man living in Iraq, he has very little bills! Well, he needs it becuase he is getting married. He is marrying the woman he cheated on me with. I want to not care. I dont ever want him back, but for some reason, it hurts. It really does. She is pretty horrible to him too. On again, off again. When he left he told me she didnt even BELIEVE in marriage. And now, they are engaged. I just feel so abandoned. I had finally stopped asking what was wrong with me, and today, all the questions came flooding back. ANYBODY but HER! I feel so betrayed. My distrust just multiplied ten-fold. I was doing so well, and he always finds a way to just knock me down. Just a few months ago he was telling me he pictured me naked still. WTF? REALLY? He is engaged to this girl and meanwhile he was thinking about me in the buff. Wow, writing this all out makes me realize what a great relationship I would of had if he would of stayed. The majority of the time he was "with" her, he was asking me for nudy pics and saying nasty things to me. Oh, and he doesn't think he should pay child support either. He wants to just "call it even." Sorry to "soil" his name, but this is the truth. If you dont want to look like a Douche bag, dont do things that is Douche bag worthy! Grow UP! This will be up probably about 24 hours before I realize how nasty it is, then I will delete it. I am so in shock. I can't wait till matthew is old enough to fly alone and I dont EVER have to see Russell's face again.